Love is a frequency of energy that’s always available to us. More accurately, love is the fundamental energy of the universe – the energy that creates, sustains and evolves all life. It’s a generative and evolutionary force that’s little understood because it doesn’t obey mechanistic laws.
Love can never be objectively measured, demonstrated, or quantified. The existential philosopher Soren Kierkegaard recognized this when he observed that “to love someone is to believe that they are loving.” Kierkegaard knew that love requires belief because it exists at the level of essence rather than at the level of form. Things that exist at the level of form can be measured. Things that exist at the level of essence cannot be measured or seen.
The more I love you, the more I trust that you are loving. My love for you is my trust in the love that you already are.
A little-realized fact is that this trust has the quality of evolving the one on whom it is bestowed. In other words, the more fully you trust that I am loving, the more likely I am to express lovingness and goodness to you, because your trust is nourishing for my heart. It builds me up, it draws me out. It makes a safe space for my love to grow. On the other hand, the less fully you trust that I am loving, the more likely I am to withdraw from you and express coldness or rigidness, because your distrust is chilling. It shuts me down, it keeps me at bay. It makes no safe space for my love to grow.
This dynamic of trust works at the personal level, and it also works at the level of our relationship with all of life. The more that we trust that life is essentially good and loving, the more it responds to our love by showing us goodness. The more we believe that life is essentially dangerous and brutal, the more it shows us hardness and brutality. Life and other people can only offer us as much love as we’re willing to believe that they have.
Most of us can only experientially feel love when we’re in a sympathetic resonance (or we’ve “fallen in love”) with someone or something. Sympathetic resonance happens when there’s a soul-level similarity between us and another person.
When we’re in sympathetic resonance with someone we feel like they truly “get” us. We might have experiences of reading one another’s minds and of feeling one another’s emotions. The transference of thought and emotion happens between two people in a state of sympathetic resonance just like the transference of sound vibrations happens between two strings on a guitar that share the same harmonic overtone.
It can be quite amazing when we discover someone else with whom we resonate with in this way. It’s a great relief to finally feel in harmony with another person after a lifetime spent feeling alone. It’s extremely freeing, because the condition of sympathy makes us feel free to relax with the other person, and as we relax we sense and express our identity with the love that sustains everything.
Yet even the most beautiful harmony between two people can’t be sustained unless those two people are also willing to help themselves and others grow in relationship to that fundamental love. This is because that fundamental love contains the energy necessary to support the ongoing harmony. Just like the strings of a guitar need to receive energy from the hands of the guitar-player in order to vibrate.
The mistake that most people make in their relationships is in confusing sympathetic resonance with the basic energy of love itself. Sympathetic resonance is beautiful, but it can end. Each note (or in our metaphor, each partner in a relationship) only resonates sympathetically only as long as it has energy vibrating it. The energy that vibrates the notes (or that uplifts the partners) has to come from somewhere – it either comes from divine love itself or it has to come from one of the finite energy sources available in the physical and chemical world – prestige, dopamine from sex, food, caffeine, etc.
Many originally romantic relationships devolve into platonic friendships as each partner stops getting energized from the sexual chemistry of the other and so instead seeks outside the relationship for energy – from recognition at work, from flirtation with others, from alcohol and drugs, from pleasure from masturbation, from feeling important at church – whatever. We can get finite energy boosts in a thousand different ways. Some of these ways are more socially acceptable than others, but they’re all less that what we’re designed for.
We human beings have infinite longings in our souls because we’re meant to be in relationship with infinite love. We’re meant to get our energy directly from divine love just like plants get their energy directly from the sunlight. Most of us have forgotten, though, how to energize ourselves with divine love because it’s not something we’re taught to do in our culture.
The process of learning how to gain energy from divine love rather than from finite and false sources of energy is a deep one. It’s the essence of all mysticism and it takes years to master. Yet it doesn’t take years for this kind of work to show stunning results in one’s life – that can happen in a matter of weeks with the focused application of principles and practices designed to cut through what’s false in us and heal our wounds.
For this reason I’m working on putting together a course designed to help support the evolutionary force of love in all of us – and I’ll keep you posted as that develops.